Friday, November 6, 2009

Facebook channels HAL from 2001

All of last week Facebook was sending me messages about my cousin and telling me to do things to her. This week the Facebook news feed is picking on my sister. I'm concerned.

Facebook Killed My Cousin

You haven’t talked to Lynda lately.
Facebook announces it on my news feed
like it’s simply factual, a tidbit of trivia,
like it isn’t loaded up with innuendo,
like You’re looking good today doesn’t mean
You finally found a razor and an iron.

Send Lynda a message.
So now Facebook is giving me commands,
implying I am making a statement
if I disobey the Facebook. Has having
no news to share become a snub?

Glenn is now friends with Adam, Julia, and Tara Lynne.
Oh, just shout it all over the playground,
like there’s some law of conservation of friends,
like I had to push forty years of friendship with Lynda aside
to make room for a group of perfect strangers –
strangers, by the way, who can be found
at the included links, should anybody resent this.

Reconnect with Lynda.
As though I ever disconnected? Are you trying
to get her angry with me? You think I can’t see
this is just a ploy to keep the both of us
tangled up in the web of Facebook?

Write on her wall.
Vandalism. That’s sure to get me back on her good side.
Poke her.
Isn’t that just a bit impolite?
Poke her.
Like, to see if she’s still there?
Poke her.
To see if she’s still alive? Like she ceases to exist
if she isn’t active on Facebook?
Hold a mirror under Lynda’s nose.
Oh my god! Facebook killed my cousin!


1 comment:

Cal Nordt said...

This is why Kenny from South Park does not have a personal facebook account.